May 2012
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Safety isn't always safe, there's one on every gun
tediousargumentsinsidiousintents:
Wise words in late night conversations.
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someone: do you still like harry potter?
me: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN STILL, I WILL FUCKING ALWAYS LOVE HARRY POTTER YOU DUMBASS.
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beautifulasastatistic:
we were all born on days when too many people died in terrible ways
but you still have to call it a birthday
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“I think the reason why twentysomethings are so fixated on age is because we feel...”
– Why Do Twentysomethings Always Feel So Old | Ryan O’Connell (via kingslayer-)
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Zooey Deschanel: Is that rain?
Siri: What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
Zooey Deschanel: Let's get tomato soup delivered!
Siri: ...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
Zooey Deschanel: Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
Siri: Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
Zooey Deschanel: Remind me to clean up.
Siri: Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
Zooey Deschanel: Tomorrow.
Siri: I'm in hell. This is hell.
Zooey Deschanel: Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
Siri: I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
Zooey Deschanel: Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
Siri: I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
Zooey Deschanel: *dances*
Siri: Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.
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benefits to dating me
you have no competition
that’s about it actually
but i think it’s a good point
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“How many more merit badges do I have to earn before I’m gay enough?”
– Marshall, United States of Tara
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Adele: I set fire to the rain.
Leo: I set fire to the mother.
Hermione: I set fire to the snape.
Cinna: I set fire to the girl.
Seamus: I set fire to everything
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“Becoming a whole person can be lonely. But it’s the only way out.”
– Shoshana, United States of Tara
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I really love how even though Marshall is so...
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“When it hurt to love her,
It hurt the way the light hurts your eyes in the...”
– “Prism” by Andrea Gibson (via prima-volta)
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“Whatever the idea might be which hopes to end the suffering of women on this...”
– Kate Bornstein, Gender Outlaw (via takemedancing105)
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“You’re better off alive, no matter how messed up you think you might be right...”
– Kate Bornstein, Hello Cruel World Light Version (via empty-bucket)
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“Gender is not the issue. Gender is the battlefield. Or the playground. The issue...”
– Kate Bornstein, ‘Hidden: A Gender’ (via getbornkeepwarm)
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Normal teens when they hear they're gonna be home alone: YES!! House to myself, I can do whatever I want.
Me when I hear I'm gonna be home alone: Fuck, let's hope I don't self destruct again.